he was a good boy (in his parents’ eyes)
he was loved (for what he did)
so he did what he needed to
to keep their love
he was the dutiful son
he didn’t speak unless spoken to
he didn’t cry when he was hurt
his room was neat and tidy
his toys on the shelf pristine
he kept mum happy
he kept papa proud
but he didn’t know how to keep himself
so he carried the loss
his heart beat
but it only beat him down
its message was
you are unworthy of love
for who you are
shame flowed with each beat
he didn’t know what else there was
to fill his heart
it was where his heart was
he carried the loss
/ / /
This poem was written in response to the Better Inside Out prompt at We Write Poems.
It was written very much in reaction to this sentence from the original prompt idea: “But shame in itself is also a useless state of being, restoring nothing that might have been damaged, and is at root a self-centered point of view.”
Sadly Waiting for Recess 
This one certainly fits “inside out.” Still waters run deep, and so does this poem. So much sadness; generated from misplaced love or child abuse?
LikeLike
Mike, thank you for your kind words about “inside out.” I would say it’s more about misplaced love, love with strings attached, which is not how it should be for a child.
Richard
LikeLike
Richard, this is a deep, moving piece. “Love with strings attached” is good for no-one.
Pamela
LikeLike
Pamela, thank you for your kind words.
Richard
LikeLike
It truly is sad for a child to have the idea he/she is loved for what he/she does. I think this carries into adulthood too. Hard to keep trying to EARN love rather than just knowing one is LOVED.
LikeLike
Mary, thank you. Truer words were not spoken. You touched on what I was trying to convey in this poem. While I don’t necessarily disagree with Neil’s words, the ones I quoted, I think shame for a child is very different than shame for an adult; and you nailed it with that child growing into an adult, carrying that notion that love has to be earned. Thank you.
Richard
LikeLike
Ah, I know this story too well – yet your poem invites me to explore it in a new way. The very idea of a heart turning on the young life whose sole function it is to support, is repulsive. As an image, though, it lends great strength to your poem.
LikeLike
Ruth, thank you for your kind and thoughtful words. It is a repulsive idea – and thank you for acknowledging it as an image in the poem.
Richard
LikeLike
This was wonderfully written.I believe you have detailed the emotional content of what many a young man may feel in the confusing time of his youth, yet, not knowing exactly how expectations have affected him until later adult reflection. I enjoyed your post.
Regards,
Don
LikeLike
Donald, thank you. I appreciate your kind and thoughtful words.
Richard
LikeLike
Richard, my heart cries at this one…you’ve done well in capturing the loss of what should have been there: unconditional love. ~Paula
LikeLike
Paula, thank you for your heartfelt words.
Richard
LikeLike
profound, love wins,
bless you, join poets rally if you did not come yet.
keep up the excellence.
LikeLike