in the distance
sunset
a view of his domain
gated chateau
jasmine vining
on copper trellises
he stands at the window
smoking a cigar
drinking twenty-five year old
Glenlivet in a lead crystal glass
which he sets down
on a marble-top table
he is trapped
looking out
the maid slides
scraps from the china
then retrieves
the whistling tea kettle
from the stove
begins brewing jasmine tea
which she brings to her Mrs.
sitting in the library
her ample frame
held by a leather reading chair
she adds another book
to her marble-top table
she is trapped
looking in
they both are flawed
and cannot see
each other’s flaws
their demons see to that
/ / /
This poem was written in response to Wordle 62 at The Sunday Whirl.
Sadly Waiting for Recess 
Richard, I really like the picture you have painted here. I see what you mean about the ending, however, it is something you should come back to when you have a chance. These characters you have created do have life.
Pamela
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Pamela, thank you. I think this is one that could do with some revision. At the end, I’m just telling and not showing. Either abandon “flawed” and “demons” or use them differently elsewhere in the poem. Glad that the characters work.
Richard
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in the middle is where this piece really shines, from the Glenlivet to the maid sliding scraps…those are such distinct images to capture these lives… x
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Dana, thank you for your visit and your kind words. It did take off there in the middle, didn’t it?
Richard
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‘her ample frame
held by a leather reading chair’
That is my favorite line…I can imagine it quite clearly…I do think the whole thing worked quite well. Such a telling tale. A fate I think few poets will find themselves in – just because we do so love to live.
My story verse continues here:
http://julesgemsandstuff.blogspot.com/2012/06/sw-62-rm-mm-3-just-peachy.html
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Jules, thank you. Glad you liked that image. I agree: I don’t think us poets have those same flaws.
Richard
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Very interesting write, Richard. I like picturing this flawed twosome who cannot picture one another’s flaws. You say their demons see to that. Hmmm, might it not be angels? LOL. You always come up with a unique perspective.
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Mary, thank you. Angels hmmm? That’s an interesting idea. I did think about playing with “demons” and “daimons”, so perhaps on revision. And thank you for “unique perspective”. It’s much appreciated.
Richard
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Ooo, this is dimensional!!I love all of he angular looks at the imagery and the perspectives of reality here. Well done, Richard!!
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Hannah, thank you. The idea of the montage helped me frame the images.
Richard
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That’s a neat way to think of it…thank you, Richard. 🙂
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Ooo… the couple who want for nothing and yet, have exactly that…nothing.
Excellent imagery and wordle Richard!
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Daydreamertoo, thank you. Your comment made me smile. That’s just it: wanting for nothing and yet having nothing.
Richard
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So vivid, you had me there… and so profound… love this one, Richard!
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Laurie, thank you. Glad the imagery was vivid – and carried the meanings I wanted.
Richard
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Interesting imaging of flawed characters in their trapped setting, Richard.
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Irene, thank you. It was fun to play with that montage idea to present these characters.
Richard
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I understand those demons, in some places they are called Denial. Denial always creates a prison, no matter how sumptuous the surroundings, and often works best when one has a silent partner in agreement with keeping out the big and little truths that might free us. Sometimes freedom is a frightening thing,
Elizabeth
http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/2012/06/24/a-funny-thing-happened-on-the-way-to-the-wordle/
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Elizabeth, thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words. I love your interpretation. I wasn’t thinking Denial, but it absolutely fits in here. That idea might help me if I revise this one; thank you for that.
Richard
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AH, I was channeling YOU in a comment on Brenda’s wordle (with a very similar comment to yours). But on this one, I was channeling Mary — I, too, wondered if it might not be angels blinding them to the flaws. 😉 Great use of the words.
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Paula, thank you. I’ll have to talk to you more about that angel idea. I’m intrigued.
Richard
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Cleverly built storyline. Very nice.
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Misky, thank you. Glad the story comes through from those montage images.
Richard
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Pingback: Sunday whirl...little late...but there are daemons! |
I like the flow of this Richard. I like how one stanza image rests on the previous one. Nice work.
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Veronica, thank you for the visit and the kind words.
Richard
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Richard, Telling rather than showing works in the end. I like the idea of demons masking our flaws from each other…makes them seem almost helpful. 😉
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Brenda, thank you. I hadn’t thought of it that way – that they could be almost helpful. I guess a mix of showing and telling is okay. Thanks for that.
Richard
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